26  May
Global Warming

Over the last few months, Napalmania scientists have been monitoring the local temperature, and the results are quite alerting. In january, temperatures were measured to be around 0 degrees Celsius, while in June they appear to be quite a bit higher, some days over 20degrees Celsius. If this increase stays linear, the human race will most likely be extinct by the end of 2009.

Sorry, didn\'t find the correct graph, so here is a random graph from xkcd.com

(Couldn’t find the graph I was looking for, so here is a random graph that is not even close to linear, but if you tilt your head as you move along the x-axis, it should do just fine)

My sources (who spoke to me in a dream last night (they seemed quite trustworthy at the moment, never doubt a dinosaur wearing a suit)) indicate that the global warming is a cunning plan set in place in the late Cretaceous period by a secret elite society of evil dinosaurs. The dinosaurs were not very efficient builders, so when the coming of Mankind was predicted this elite group laid a scheme to let us slave for them, without us ever knowing what was really going on. This society of dinosaurs gathered their strength to build massive rockets, fueled by their ancestors, and took off to the dark side of the moon. There they could relax and wait for the civilisations to rise, and great cities to be built. Upon their arrival at the moon, a group was assembled to start chipping off large parts of the moon (the result is still visible as large craters on the face of the moon), which were thrown down to the earth ensuring the destruction of the remaining dinosaurs. The weapon of pollution was now starting to brew in the soil, and the earth was prepared for the age of mankind.

This picture is most likely drawn by a cockroach during the departure of the dinosaurs (or it might have be made by gluefish[ate]blathos.com)

The dinosaurs needed to stimulate and control the civilisations of earth, and when they saw the need for it they planted religions into the societies. As we all know, much of the technological advancement on Earth is based on weapon development, which was a concept familiar to the dinosaurs. They quickly realised that spreading religions to various geological locations would leads to differences and conflicts of interest, and eventually massive wars. In the end, development would be inevitable for any civilisation wanting to survive, and this method of survival was what have finally lead to our doom.

So now the dinosaurs sit there on the moon, waiting for mankind to leave their cities without a fight, boiled in their own stupidity. Then after a while, when emissions are reduced to a minimum, and the temperature once again goes back to normal, they will return and rule the world.

Oh, and dinosaurs really don’t care too much about buildings, as they prefer staying outdoors in forests and stuff…but they just figured once they had come up with such a cunning plan, they couldn’t just forget about it. That would have been a quite silly thing for an elitist secret society of evil dinosaurs to do. But after being quite patient for 65million years or so, they figured it was all worth it for the fun of it, and the satisfaction of a plan well executed. And in the end they at least get a new playground. We at Napalmania News haven’t been able to get in touch with a dinosaur for comments on the issue, but we will try to send a reporter to the moon shortly.

Dinosaurs new playground

This is Pil, reporting in for Napalmania News

Posted by Pil, filed under News. Date: May 26, 2008, 12:57 am | 1 Comment »

One Response

  1. Spideh Says:

    I have always know that dinosaurs are behind the current heat wave we’re experiencing. I mean just look at them, they are huge and therefore must have giant brains!

Leave a Comment

Your comment

You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

Please note: Comment moderation is enabled and may delay your comment. There is no need to resubmit your comment.