Science students worldwide has over the last decades reported of mysterious events related to refrigerators. While these events have been discarded as nonsense previously, Dr. S. Trange has recently dedicated his efforts in studying these abnormalities, that may actually bring the future closer than ever, by the means of time travel!
Time travel has since the invention of Science Fiction been one of the most debated topics of what the future may bring. Many theories explain how this will be made possible, be it worm-holes, advanced scientific phone-booths or a series of other interesting variants. Traveling in time could help avoid disasters by giving people the possibility to go back in time to warn the past generations of what is to come. At the same time the very time-space continuum may break down if anything is changed according to others. Time travel is a delicate matter, but as we all know, scientists doesn’t really care about consequences, they just want to invent things. “The best inventions are those where no one are able to say “I told you so!” if things go wrong!”, says Dr. S. Trange while fiddling around with an old piece of cheese from his refrigerator.
Now, this recent breakthrough in the theories of time and space travel has often been regarded as a result of sloppy students and bad hygiene in the dormitories. Often have students complained about a carton of milk that in mysterious ways have passed its expiration date years ago, and several reports claim to have found orange juice that no one knew existed, but still has a valid date 3 months ahead! Others again have reported food and beverages suddenly disappearing. It is events like these that made Dr. Trange start wondering if there might be a possibility that the delicate processes taking place in a refrigerator may actually interact in interesting ways, creating small passages in time in which the products of the fridge may travel through, into other parts of time and space. Items may travel simply forward or backward in time, to a neighboring fridge or a combination of these.
“No one really knows what goes on inside a fridge!”, claims a highly enthusiastic Dr. Trange. “You basically have a device that becomes colder on the inside, by warming up the outside! This can’t be without consequences!”, he continues while trying to find room for his cheese in a fridge that contains a wider selection and amount of food than your local supermarket. The fridge has been sorted according to advanced chaos-simulations, such as normally appear by themselves in a dorm-fridge after the passage of a few months. In the laboratory it is of vital importance that these conditions are reproduced as precisely as possible. “In the environments where time-travel has been reported to occur, the fridges has been in a highly unorganized state.”, explains Dr. Trange. “It is believed that the processes of time and space travel are very delicate, and even the slightest disturbance in the environment of the fridge may cause the time-space-passages to break down!”, he claims. One of the great benefits of a perfectly chaotic fridge is that the time-space continuum can take more liberties than it could if everything was organized. “A carton of milk would not risk the process of time traveling if it knew there was an elevated risk of being observed”, claims Dr. S. Trange. According to statistical studies, the probability of spontaneous time-space travel within a fridge increases dramatically as the level of knowledge about it’s contents decreases. “Sometimes we must realize that knowledge isn’t necessarily power!”, chuckles Trange.
In his most recent paper, Dr. S. Trange discusses the long known principle that the measurement having an effect on the variable being measured, and this naturally applies to the time-space travel possibilities of fridges as well. “Many times has questions such as “Does the light in the refrigerator go off when the door closes?” been asked, and pseudo-scientists place cameras in the fridge to observe what happens. What they fail to realize is that in such a delicate environment as a refrigerator, this affects the light to a huge extent. How can one possibly know that the light is actually off at the specific moment? It might just as well be an image of a light bulb in the off-state that travels through time to the present, due to this sudden difference in the levels of knowledge and the measurement-interference in the fridge!”.
Currently Dr. Tranges research has been brought to a temporary halt, as he is facing severe charges from the government, claiming that he has shipped unidentifiable biological weapons to various locations of the world. “This is a direct interference against science from the governments yet again!”, says Dr. Trange, shaking with fury. “Whenever the governments see a possible threat in groundbreaking research, they will try to hide the results and stop the research, or simply steal it for their own use!”. From the authorities side the situation looks slightly different. “We were informed about several shipments filled by un-labeled containers filled by highly suspicious contents, being transported to various strategic locations worldwide. Dr S. Trange refuses to give us any information about the contents, so it needs to be carefully investigated. I can not give you any further information at the time.”, announces a spokesman from the Department of Suspicious Behavior (DSB). “I can of course not say what is in the containers, as I honestly have no idea! If I knew, it wouldn’t be chaos, and if it is not chaos, the experiment is worthless!”, says Dr. S. Trange. “The idea is to send unidentifiable contents to several places on the earth. No one knows what is there, and no one knows where it might go, in time, space or any other dimensions! This will be the greatest experiment of all time!”, he continues, jumping with excitement. When asked how the results will be documented while no information about the experiment can be known, Dr. Trange unfortunately informed us that the time was up, and he had to return home to water his cat.
We look forward to follow the research of this magnificent scientist in the time to come, or maybe even
in the past, in a few years time! Who knows what the future may bring?
This is Pil, reporting in for Napalmania News